There are times when I find myself staring off into space and realize that I am still questioning (in my subconciousness) just "who" I am.
This question is sort of weird - because it doesn't come out of NOT knowing who I am...but from wondering how much of who I am has been molded/formed by living in the US. It is a rhetorical question - because I believe I would still be "me" (those you know me personally and have done so over a period of time would have to be the ones to ask).
Maybe that paragraph isn't clear. So I'll try this angle...would I be the same (as I am today) if I had spent the greater part of my life (since leaving my *home* overseas) living in, say, Holland?
Don't you wonder about those things? The question pops up...would the parts of me which I call "strengths" be "challenges" in a different locale? Would I have different views on the US, on Europe, etc.?
Weird, eh?
Margie
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I think about that, too! I know that the experiences (including cultural learning experiences) that I have had as an adult have contributed to the person I am now. I lived in the States for eight years as an adult -- and I was not the same person at the end of those eight years as I was at the beginning. Yet at the core, I am still "me" -- I think maybe different aspects of my personality have been magnified, but my personality is still essentially the same.
I think that living in the States was a broadening experience for me. I think that I am more empathetic and understanding of other cultures than I would have been if I hadn't spent considerable time immersed in that particular culture. Of course, when I moved there I was still young enough to be impressionable even though I was technically an adult.
Maybe what would have been different if I had lived in some other country instead, is that I wouldn't have gotten in touch with (and come to terms with) that part of me that is American.
Ingrid
Yes, we are shaped (even as adults) by our surroundings. We respond positively and negatively to the places where we have lived,
but even the negative sinks in. Afraid so! For instance, I currently live in a small midwestern town and because of that I both secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) feel both a despair because of it, but also a need to defend it. The truth is I've always had a love/hate relationship with the places where I've lived--even the cities with lots to do, and loads of well-dressed happy people to associate with.
I think, however, the inner core of us, the soul or whatever, ultimately determines how we come to grips with our surroundings. That, I would expect, changes much more slowly, maybe it doesn't change at all.
Maybe this is hogwash! (Just call it a few musings from someone who hasn't had a complete thought since the birth of her daughter.)
I think about the same thing at least once a week! Ha!
The answer to that question eludes me and, I dare say, is very specific and personal to each of us.
It's troubling at times. It feels as if I'm off kilter, searching for my roots, never finding them, wondering where it is that I fit in, if anywhere...
We are in a state of constant flux as human beings...we evolve daily, almost imperceptibly.
I do think though that, in a way, due to the unique experiences that we as TCKs have lived along the way, we possess the tools that perhaps others do not readily have access to. What do I mean by that? Um, I don't know if I can express it yet in words...Scratching my head here if I may...I might have to come back and revisit that.
Identity. A hard one. No answers to that one yet.
Well, if it's any consolation--ancient philosophers struggled with the same issues. "How do I know I exist?" --and all that.
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