Earlier this month, Cuiabana wrote:
"How about this for contraversy? I once had a man explain to me how all the TCK's he knew (he was speaking specifically about MK's) had a terrible sense of pride--pride not about money they had made but about countries they had visited, good deeds they had done, educational goals they had achieved. He called them "the lost people" (not spiritually lost, but emotionally lost because of their inability in relationships.) "
Which raises several questions (for me): How does having pride (I would disagree that this is applicable to all TCKs or even all MKs) about the countries visited/lived in, good deeds done, goals achieved, etc. make TCKs "lost people"? What is he using as a comparison? Are monocultural folks who show the same pride (there are many who travel overseas on their vacations, etc.) in the items listed above also "the lost people"?
Inability in relationships seems to be a common enough occurance among all peoples - regardless of their background. Yes, I do think TCKs can, and do, encounter certain relational challenges that are not common to non-TCKs, but again...how is that part of the definition of being a "lost person"?
Another question - why does a statement such as the one made above - bother me (and maybe you too)?
I look forward to hearing your take on this!
Margie
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5 comments:
Honestly? A statement like his sounds a little like jealousy or like he's had contact with a number of MKs who take every opportunity to boast to him about their experiences. Either way, I don't think it's a commentary on MKs or TCKs in general, but on a negative experience he must have had with some MKs in the past.
On the topics of pride and relationships in general: There's always something to be proud about, regardless if you're an MK/TCK or not: Money, career, fame, gifts & abilities, etc. What's more, there are countless challenges that can hinder and deteriorate healthy relationships regardless of one's upbringing - if this were not true the fields of social work and psychology would not be as predominant as they are. The bottom line, as you mentioned, is that if pride about one's accomplishments and facing difficulties in forming relationships are the trademarks of a 'lost people', then the entire human race is lost.
Yes, you're right both of you. Yes, Margie, it does bother me to hear criticisms like that--makes me feel like I'm irrevocably screwed up and there's nothing I can do about it. Thanks for reminding me that isn't true.
I live in a small midwestern town, and am used to provincial attitudes, but the man who made the comment about TCK's was both well-traveled and well-read. The Iranian-born writer, Azar Nafisi, writes that empathy is developed by relationships with others unlike ourselves or through literature--both of these this man had, but maybe the heart wasn't engaged.
Oh, by the way, Margie, your comment, I think on another topic-- about recognizing just what one is resentful about--was very helpful--it clarifies things for me.
Cuiabana
First off, I am surmising this man was referring more to a certain "arrogance" rather than pride? That may have ticked him off to some extent...
Along the way, I too have encountered people who think that I am arrogant for mentioning those countries (when asked) I happen to have been lucky enough to have lived in / been to, especially those who've never left their village/state/city/country.
On the one hand, MKs are perhaps a sore point to some who are religious themselves and do not feel they've done enough proselytizing of their own in their hometown or country, and deepdown may resent that these MKs have been far and wide, spreading the "good word" and converting hoards of indigenous peoples to whatever religion theirs may be.
On the other hand, it may be that these MKs irk those who are agnostic or atheist and resent having the MKs good deeds and accomplishments on a spiritual level shoved in their faces (?!)
Then, last but not least, I have a hard time finding the link between that observation of his and the terminology "lost people"...Maybe I just can't grasp what he means by it in relation to the 'pride' or 'arrogance' MKs purportedly display or impart (during conversations with other non-Mks/TCKs) and their inability to 'connect' and/or form solid interpersonal relationships.
Does he mean that by traveling and spending so much time immersed in other cultures, MKs (TCKs) lose their ability to 'relate' to their peers from their country of origin? If so, then perhaps that is true in a sense. We as TCKs tend to view things more from a global perspective or at least less insular or narrow-minded than many (not all) people who have never left the town they grew up in! That in itself can make communication less smooth with people who tend to view our opinions as 'worldly' or even as demonstrating our 'knowledge' in a way that can feel offensive to them.
Well ok, it does kind of boil down to plain old jealousy or envy in essence...from the sounds of it.
We deal with that a lot. *sigh*
That was pretty long-winded I apologize.
I can't say I know what he means about "lost people". Perhaps the issue of TCK pride in these topics (granting the premise for the moment) is simply more visible to this man because we don't pride our selves in areas monoculturals do; our priorities are simply shifted (I'm completely guessing here). The jealousy point that widsith makes is an interesting one.
In any event, I know why the comment bugs me. I'm assuming by virtue of his discussion on "them" [TCKs] that the man in this story is not a TCK himself. I don't take terribly well to people (non-TCKs) trying to describe what or who we are, as most people have no point of reference. By definition, even adult nomads did not have the transitory/multicultural childhood that has formed who we are. That one can make such a broad statement on a population that is so hard to locate and pin-down seems overly bold.
This is great info to know.
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